The Road Trip from Hell
by Jonathan the Zero Element
Summary: The G-Boys are invited to the Sanc Kingdom and drive there but are annyoed of Duo's constant idiotic behavior. Has Duo Bashing. Not for serious Duo fans! For those tha are not, read on!


Disclaimer: I don't own Gundam Wing characters, Gundams, hotels, and whatever is used in this fic! You may have heard of it but I'm writing it in my own way with my Author Note (A/N) responses. Enjoy.  
  
The Road Trip from Hell Author's Note: Forgive the Duo bashing. I like him it's just that he is so fun to use.  
  
[In a hotel room in southern England, The G-boys were chilling until Heero received a message from Relena]  
  
Heero: I just got a message from Relena.  
  
Duo: What does she want?  
  
Wufei: She probably wants us to go on a suicide mission for her. Doesn't she know that I want to go for at least one day without fighting!  
  
Trowa: That doesn't sound like you, Wufei.  
  
[A/N: Wufei never did sounded like him]  
  
Wufei: Aw, shut up! I need some sleep.  
  
[Wufei goes to his room.]  
  
Heero: She wants us to visit her and her brother at the Sanc Kingdom.  
  
Quatre: She wants us to come back again? She must not remember the last time we where there.  
  
Duo: I remember!  
  
[Flashback: Duo is going around touching everything. Zechs is watching with gritted teeth as Duo picks up a priceless glass figurine, which belongs to his and Relena's father.]  
  
Duo: Hey, Zechs! How much did this cost?  
  
Zechs: Duo! Put that down!  
  
[The sound of broken glass echoes through the halls.]  
  
Duo: Oops.  
  
Zechs: [trying to keep himself under control] Duo, I'm going to kill you!!  
  
[Zechs chases Duo through the house with a gun.]  
  
[Present time]  
  
Duo: Zechs never did catch me. Heh. He has pretty bad aim when he is mad.  
  
[A/N: Which is a lie.]  
  
Trowa: I remember that. [To Heero] When does she want us there?  
  
Heero: I guess tomorrow.  
  
Duo: Well, I guess we should get going! The Sanc Kingdom is somewhere in northern England, right?  
  
Quatre: It only takes about a day to get there from here. We can leave tomorrow.  
  
[The next day. Everyone is getting into Heero's van. Relena restricted the Gundams from the Sanc Kingdom so they have to drive.]  
  
Duo: How 'bout I drive first?  
  
All: NO!  
  
[A/N: Goddamn!]  
  
Duo: Fine. Maybe later.  
  
Heero: I'll drive first. Trowa you can man the maps.  
  
Trowa: All right. Does anyone have a map?  
  
[Duo opens a compartment on the dashboard and hands Trowa the map.]  
  
Wufei: Wake me up when we get there.  
  
[Wufei gets his pillow from the back of the van and goes to sleep.]  
  
[Five minuets into the trip.]  
  
Duo: Are we there yet?  
  
Heero: We just started!  
  
Duo: But I'm bored!  
  
Trowa: Why don't you read something?  
  
Duo: I get carsick.  
  
Quatre: This is a van. So, don't you mean you get van-sick?  
  
Trowa: That was a really lame joke, Quatre.  
  
Quatre: I know.  
  
[Five more minutes later.]  
  
Duo: Are we there yet?  
  
Heero: No.  
  
Duo: Are we there yet?  
  
Heero: No.  
  
Duo: Are we.  
  
[Wufei whacks Duo in the head with his pillow.]  
  
[A/N: I saw that coming. Never a dull moment w/o that annoying repetitive 4 word question.]  
  
Wufei: Shut up, duo!  
  
Duo: Ow.  
  
[Ten minutes later.]  
  
Duo: Can we go to a rest stop?  
  
Trowa: Why? The closest one isn't in our direction.  
  
Duo: But I'm hungry and I have to use the little boy's room!  
  
Wufei [in an annoyed voice]: How about we pull over and you can go in the bushes?  
  
Duo: On a thruway?! I don't think so!  
  
Heero: Well then, I guess you'll just have to hold it.  
  
Duo: Trowa, how much longer till we get to a rest stop?  
  
Trowa: About twenty minutes.  
  
[Duo whines for a while but then shuts up.]  
  
Duo: Are we at the rest stop yet?  
  
Wufei: Damn, Duo!! Shut up!!  
  
Duo: Fine.  
  
[A/N: At least that was creative]  
  
[Twenty minutes later at the rest stop. Everyone gets out of the van to stretch their legs and to get something to eat. Duo is ready to go and waits by the van for the others. Heero is sitting in the van, watching Duo wander around the parking lot.]  
  
Duo: Won't those guys hurry up! I'm tired of waiting!  
  
Heero: Be grateful that we even stopped Duo. We could have kept going to torture you.  
  
Duo: I figured you would say something like that.  
  
[The other pilots come out to the van; ready to continue.]  
  
Wufei: I'll drive for a while. I need something to do.  
  
Heero: Fine with me.  
  
[Wufei gets into the driver's seat and Heero goes to the backseat. Duo and Trowa also switch places; Duo goes in the back and Trowa goes into the front passenger seat.]  
  
Quatre [to himself]: The middle seat again.  
  
Duo: Hey, Heero. How 'bout you move over a little and give Quatre some room?  
  
[Heero says nothing and moves over a little.]  
  
[They get back on the road and Duo is surprisingly quiet, for now. A half hour later.]  
  
Duo: I'm bored. Who wants to play a game?  
  
Wufei: What a pity, I can't play. I'm to busy driving.  
  
Duo: We're at a stoplight.  
  
Wufei: Like I said, I'm busy.  
  
Quatre: What game do you have?  
  
Duo: Car Bingo! I got it at the rest stop.  
  
Quatre: I guess I'll play.  
  
Duo: Heero? Trowa? Either of you want to play?  
  
Heero.  
  
Trowa: I have to watch the map. I don't want us to get lost. I don't know if I could stay sane.  
  
Duo: Well, I guess it's you and me Quatre.  
  
Quatre [thinking]: {Oh, joy. Car Bingo with Duo. Am I insane?}  
  
[Duo passes a card to Quatre and begins the game.]  
  
Duo: Yellow stop sign!  
  
Quatre: Duo, there is no such thing as a yellow stop sign. There isn't even one on the card!  
  
Duo: There is now!  
  
Quatre: I'm not going to play if you're going to cheat!  
  
Duo: Fine then! I'll play alone.  
  
Quatre [rolling eyes]: Whatever makes you happy.  
  
Heero [sarcastically]: I think that was the shortest game I ever saw. Too bad.  
  
[One hour later.]  
  
Duo: Why won't you guys let me drive? I can pilot a Mobile Suit!  
  
Wufei: Wow! I think that is the longest that you have ever been quiet, Duo.  
  
Duo: Bite me.  
  
Wufei: We get a little touchy when we can't drive, can't we, Duo?  
  
Duo: .  
  
Trowa: Duo, I guess we'll let you drive if you promise not to kill us.  
  
Duo: I can't guarantee that I won't kill you.  
  
[A/N: Don't trust the idea. Don't do it.]  
  
Heero: Then I guess you aren't going to drive.  
  
Duo: I'll try not to kill us.  
  
Quatre: Trying and doing are two different things.  
  
Duo: Fine. I'll just drive a little later then.  
  
Heero: .  
  
Trowa: .  
  
Quatre: .  
  
Wufei: .  
  
Duo: All right then.  
  
[A/N: Talk about giving you the silent treatment.] [The next day.]  
  
Heero: I thought you said that it would take us a day to get to northern England, Quatre.  
  
Quatre: It does when we don't have to make twenty rest stops in one day.  
  
[Duo looks around innocently.]  
  
Heero: Maybe Duo can control himself today. I doubt it though.  
  
[Ten minutes pass as Duo sings various songs.]  
  
Wufei: Don't make me come back there, Duo!  
  
Duo: How could you? I thought you where driving?  
  
Wufei: Don't push me.  
  
Duo: Why not?  
  
Heero: Shut up you two!  
  
Duo: Ohhh!! Touchy, touchy. I wouldn't want to get on your bad side with you in a mood like this!  
  
Heero: You're slowly making your way in that direction.  
  
Duo [mockingly]: Guess I'll shut up then.  
  
Trowa: That would be a good idea. I think Heero has a gun with him.  
  
[Duo shuts up VERY quickly and looks over a Heero who is trying to sleep.]  
  
[A/N: I guess the word "gun" does make people shut up after all.I think]  
  
Duo: He's asleep! He can hurt me when he is asleep!  
  
[Heero whips out a gun and points it at Duo without looking up.]  
  
[A/N: Never underestimate Heero while he's asleep.]  
  
Duo: So, you are awake.  
  
Heero: Who wouldn't be with you constantly talking?  
  
[A/N: He's gotta point}  
  
[Duo looks away since he can't think of a good comeback. Heero puts his gun away.]  
  
[Two hours of silence passes as Wufei pulls over to the side of the road.]  
  
Duo: Why did we stop?  
  
Wufei: Trowa and I are going to switch places. I'm tired of driving.  
  
[Trowa and Wufei get out of the van and switch places while Duo chants from the back seat.]  
  
Duo: Chinese Fire Drill! Chinese Fire Drill! Chinese Fir.  
  
[Quatre hits Duo on the side of the head with his book that he was reading.]  
  
Quatre: Shut up, Duo. It was so nice when you were quiet.  
  
Duo: I was just giving you guys a break for a while.  
  
Heero [sarcastically]: How kind of you.  
  
Duo: The God of Death does have a nice side, you know.  
  
Heero: .  
  
[Wufei and Trowa are done switching places and Trowa gets the van back on the road.]  
  
Duo: When is the next rest stop?  
  
Wufei [looking at the map]: I was surprised you lasted this long. The next stop is in about ten minutes. How about you try to sleep in that time?  
  
Heero: Duo, sleep? I don't think that is in his vocabulary!  
  
Duo: I don't know what Relena sees in you, Heero. You aren't her type.  
  
Heero: I totally agree with you, Duo.  
  
Duo [surprised]: You agree with me?! Wow, this must be a first!  
  
Heero: Don't get too excited. It may never happen again.  
  
Duo: Whatever.  
  
[A/N: That's a load of crap and he knows it!]  
  
[Silence. Ten minutes later the G-boys arrive at the rest stop.]  
  
Quatre: Finally! Now I can get out of this van! Next time I have to sit between Heero and Duo is when I go totally insane, with Heero that is.  
  
[Duo shoots Quatre a look but says nothing.]  
  
Duo [to Heero and Wufei]: Please can I drive now?! I promise not to kill anyone!  
  
Wufei: I don't rightfully care. Just if don't awaken me while you're driving.  
  
Duo [sly look]: I promise. (^_^)  
  
Wufei: Then I don't care. It's up to Heero now.  
  
Duo [thinking]: Oh, great. Heero wouldn't let me drive even if he wasn't there!  
  
Heero: I don't care. Just if we don't get lost, killed, or injured.  
  
Duo: YEAH!! I finally get to drive!!  
  
[Quatre runs up to Heero as Duo walks away.]  
  
Quatre: Are you insane, Heero? Have you ever seen him pilot Deathscythe? He's a maniac!  
  
Heero: I know. But if I don't let him drive now he won't stop asking. I would go insane then!  
  
Quatre: I hope you know what you're doing.  
  
Heero: Quit whining and just wear your seat belt.  
  
Quatre: I hate it when you say things like that.  
  
[They stop at the rest stop for a half-hour. Soon they all get back into the van and Duo hops into the driver's seat.]  
  
Trowa: Who said Duo could drive?  
  
Heero and Wufei: We did.  
  
Heero: He would just keep asking if we didn't let him drive sooner or later.  
  
Trowa: I see. I think I'll sit in the back seat then.  
  
Quatre: This may be insane, but I guess I'll sit in the front.  
  
Heero [sarcastically]: What a brave soul.  
  
[A/N: Indeed.]  
  
[Quatre gives him a mean look. In the meantime, Duo is jumping into the driver's seat.]  
  
Duo: 'Bout time you guys let me drive.  
  
Wufei [to Trowa]: Probably the last time, too. For all of us, that is.  
  
[Trowa laughs at Wufei's, most likely true, observation.]  
  
Duo: Hey! I heard that, Wufei and Trowa!  
  
Heero: Can we just continue this trip? It's turning into the road trip from Hell.  
  
Duo: All right, Heero. No need to be mean. Remember, you were the one that got the letter for this trip. I think the only reason Relena asked us to come was so that she could see you.  
  
Heero: That would be Relena.  
  
Duo: Oh my God! You agreed with me again, Heero! Are you sick or hurt or something?  
  
Heero: You will be hurt if you don't get this van onto the road.  
  
Duo: All right! Calm down.  
  
[Duo finally pulls the van out onto the road; almost hitting an oncoming car.]  
  
Wufei: It hasn't even been ten minutes and Duo is all ready trying to kill us. [Sarcastically] This is going to be so much fun!  
  
[Quatre is hiding behind the maps pretending to help Duo with directions.]  
  
Quatre [to himself]: We're all going to die! Why did Heero let Duo drive?  
  
[Duo again begins singing out loud. No one dares to make him stop. They have so much to look forward to in their lives.]  
  
Trowa: Duo, please stop singing!  
  
Duo: Why? Didn't you sing 'Ai Wa Ryuusei' at one time?  
  
Trowa: Yeah, I did. But I don't need to hear you sing it.  
  
Duo: Fine, I'll sing something else then.  
  
Wufei: How about you sing nothing? That is such a beautiful song!  
  
Duo: I wouldn't be singing anything then.  
  
Heero: That's the whole point of singing it. You would be quiet, and I could get some sleep!  
  
Duo: You people are all so boring!  
  
Heero: Don't argue with me, Duo.  
  
Duo: Whatever you say, Commander Heero!  
  
Heero [quietly]: I'm going to kill you, Duo.  
  
Duo [sarcastically]: I love you too, Heero!  
  
Quatre: Duo, please keep your eyes on the road.  
  
Duo: What?  
  
[Everyone jumps as Duo hits a bump in the road.]  
  
Wufei [looking out of the rear window]: That was a big one this time.  
  
Quatre: I'm not even going to ask.  
  
Trowa: Good thing you don't because you don't want to know what it was.  
  
[Quatre shrinks behind the maps; feeling a little sick.]  
  
Duo: Oops.  
  
[An hour later, Heero makes Duo pull over. He hit one to many small animals (and some big ones.)]  
  
Heero: That is the last time I let you drive on a country road.  
  
Duo: What about a main road?  
  
Heero: I don't think so.  
  
Trowa: Who's going to drive now?  
  
Quatre: We're about five hours away from the Sanc Kingdom.  
  
Heero: You can drive, Quatre.  
  
Quatre: All right.  
  
Wufei: Duo, you're going to sit back here. I'll sit up there and watch the maps. With our luck, you would get us totally lost.  
  
Duo: Fine, I'll sit in the back.  
  
[Duo, Quatre, and Wufei get out of the van and switch places. Heero holds up his gun as Duo starts to chant 'Chinese Fire Drill' again. Duo shuts his mouth. They all get to their new seats and Quatre gets the van on the road.]  
  
Heero: Duo, since you are sitting next to me, I decided to make a few rules.  
  
Duo: Rules?  
  
Heero: Yes, rules. Rule one, NO singing. Rule two, NO arguing. And rule three, when I hit you in the head with anything that means 'SHUT UP'! Clear?  
  
Duo: Crystal.  
  
Heero: Good.  
  
[Heero gets into a comfortable position and tries to get some sleep. They travel in silence for about three hours until Duo starts to get bored again. Duo starts poking Heero with a seat belt thinking that he is a sleep. Duo jumps as Heero grabs the seat belt and pulls causing Duo to fly onto the floor.]  
  
Duo: Ow.  
  
Heero: Do that again and I will kill you!  
  
[A/N: Heero's gangsta! He warned him!]  
  
Duo: My head hurts now.  
  
Wufei: That goes for everyone else too.  
  
[Ten minutes later.]  
  
Trowa: How much longer until we get to the Sanc Kingdom, Wufei?  
  
Wufei: About one hour.  
  
Heero: Maybe we might be able to make it without having to turn around and go back to the hotel.  
  
[As Heero says that, Duo starts asking Quatre stupid questions, to relive his boredom.]  
  
Heero: That's it! Quatre, turn the van around! I can't stand this anymore! We're going back to the hotel! Relena will just have to come to us if she wants to see me that bad! [Sigh]  
  
[Everyone sighs with relief as they hear Heero finally snap, everyone except for Duo, that is.]  
  
A/N: Well I hope you enjoyed the Road Trip from Hell, Gundam Fan fic. Tune in soon to see more of my other story Gundam WF soon. I'm working on more episodes so hang tight you guys! R & R! 


End file.
